Okay so this subject is one that is up close and personal to me and I could no resist doing a post on it. As always it is gonna be “Straight with NO chaser” and completely from my heart. I do not mean to point fingers or embarrass anyone but it is something I see as a tool to DUMB-DOWN the world. I hope to get participation from those who are and have been married. I do this post with my heart completely in this.
So I am writing “Dumb-Downed 2″ and I have the CBS Early Morning News on all of a sudden they start to do a segment on “Why Woman want out of long term relationships” so I stopped to listen to the segment. Needless to say I was actually shocked by what I heard. Check it out:
Now we are just finally getting back to regular news after months of having the marriage of Prince William & Kate shoved down our throats…remember?
Now don’t get me wrong, I was happy for both of them but their getting married clearly was not gonna do anything for me. And then a few weeks later we get the tragic (tragic to some, not to me) news that Arnold & Maria were calling it a day. But I found myself slightly effected by hearing that more than I was with the William & Kate marriage hoopla. And I guess it was more because Arnold & Maria put in 25 years. I wish I could make it that long and if I do…I come to far to give up at that point. But here is what is SO not NEW…seems like more relationships are ending and it’s NO BIG DEAL!!!
Well marriage is something I have done 3 times and even today there are more than enough times I feel like I still can’t get that right. But it is something I want. I don’t want to be single because I do a crappy job at that. After just recently celebrating a 7 year anniversary with my wife I felt like it was life’s biggest accomplishment. They say 7 is the perfect thing according to GOD’S WORD and I have no doubts that he meant for us to make it this far and further. But in today’s society and lifestyle DIVORCE is the current fad. There are some couples that just stay together for the sake of the children forgetting that the children are in tune to “What isn’t” more than “What is”. And we dumb-assed parents get so caught up in ourselves that we really do forget that we are in some way fucking up our children’s future by our lack of mindfulness that the way we are acting can have a MAJOR effect on how they act & interact in relationships when they become adults. And in some cases they never get to experience a REAL relatioship because of that trauma.
I am not trying to sound like “The Perfect Husband” but I am talking about the fact I believe a lot of marital issues derive from us STOPPING and SETTLING. We STOP doing the things that brought us together and we STOP using our minds and imaginations to keep the marriage as new as the first day. We begin to SETTLE for doing something that does not really come from the heart but is done so we can we did something and in some cases compare and throw it back in our spouses face when we argue. Or we SETTLE for not trying and just give up causing either divorce or a broken home. And who is to blame for this…YOU!!! You saw it coming and did NOTHING to stop it. And now we have this so-called study on why woman don’t want to be in long-term relationships. First of all which government agency or politician approved this WASTE OF MONEY?
As hard as times are you mean to tell me they are still cutting checks on things to KEEP A PEOPLE DOWN and DUMB DOWN a nation? To me this study sounds like a reason for a good cop-out for the woman. Allow me to open my heart and mind. After hearing the segment I began to give some real deep thought to my own marriage. Now I can only speak from what I know and what I believe may be some of the contributing factors, which is what I am gonna do. But know that I am not in any way trying to make her out to be a bad person or say she is the one who is at fault. But what I am trying to do is heal and grow. And maybe through this I can help someone else, my marriage, and myself.
Now the first reason I am so messed up with this study is because it came across as it was okay for a woman to just check out when she felt like it. This study in no way came up with any solutions but it did say to me that some WOMAN have unrealistic EXPECTATIONS in relationships more than men do. But here is what is really the kick in the pants. As of 1/1/10 according to the U.S. Census Bureau the global population totals 6,830,586,985. There are 3,440,026,139 men and 3,390,560,846 women. The sex ratio is 101.5. This mean there are 49,465,293 more men than there are women. Now this was as of 2010 and it did not break it down by sexual preference so I am sure the totals possibly comes out to be more woman than men.
And if it doesn’t I stand corrected. This study also did not state how many relationships the woman had been in before they realized they didn’t want to be in the relationship anymore. It seems to me that society will spend a lot of energy and time on him cheating but the never explore why he cheated. They will tell you why she cheated like this article “Top 10: Reasons Women Cheat” and although it may be some form of subliminal message to men, it really comes across more like a bible of excuses why a WOMAN SHOULD GIVE UP ON EVER BEING HAPPY. And as a husband let me say this for the record “I feel like no matter what I do, or what I don’t do she will never be happy with me”. She will always have these somewhat unrealistic EXPECTATIONS of me. But I digress for a second…What about my EXPECTATIONS OF HER? What about the EXPECTATIONS I have of myself? Not to mention the ones I have for our children. Does she remotely care about the personal stresses I have from those? I don’t think she does. I don’t think many woman even care. But WE (men) are constantly reminded of our responsibilities to her. That is so one-sided.
Speaking of EXPECTATIONS…Last night I dropped another one of my deep ones during a conversation with her last night. She was talking to me about a situation a family member had. Now I won’t go into details about it but I am gonna share with you my response. After telling me how the whole thing ended I replied by saying this…I applaud the family member for the efforts they have put forth to resolve an issue that in all honesty was created off some BS. Not to mention the fact if parties involved really wanted to get confirmation on what was true and what wasn’t, they could have contacted the source much sooner. Instead they took the lie as the truth and when it came time to confront the issue the were in defense mode, so they were not really trying to resolve the issue. And as far as the family member went my thoughts were this. For every time they set for to interact with said people, subconsciously there was an EXPECTATION in the air. What was it? Simple…today I am gonna have a good time and get things straight. But everytime they interacted there was always something else wrong and in turn this person in some way ended up not having such a positive feeling afterwards.
So see we all have EXPECTATIONS the problem is we don’t think realistically about them all. For instance I don’t know how many times I have gone on an assignment with the EXPECTATION of possibly being hired permanently. And with that EXPECTATION come the one that says I can EXPECT to now have permanent income to be able to help pay bills and take care of home properly. I also get the EXPECTATION that I will be able to give my family some of the things they want as well as what they need. Now all these EXPECTATIONS brings along a stress because as much as you try to stay focused you can’t help but to think about it. Ask any GOOD man and he will tell you this. And because I have these stresses I am very mindful (NOT STUPID AT ALL) that my wife has her own set of EXPECTATIONS & STRESSES so I don’t dump my stuff on her when she tries to go there in conversation. The main reason I don’t is because she will then try to take on my stress (even though she may never admit it, I did grow up in a house with all woman after my grandfather died…I saw a lot) and that doesn’t help her sort out and deal with her stress.
Now her stress has caused all kinds of health issues and has had an effect on us mentally and physically. And because she has mentally gone into semi-quit mode her reactions to the issues in our marriage are of a mute nature. That shit frustrates me because I know we can overcome this. I mean with 30+ years of interaction and 4 children (another blog) there should be NO reason we for why we can’t meet at the table of resolution/compromise and BANG this little assed problem out. But that is looking like the “Mission Impossible”. So WE both go into SETTLE mode. I SETTLE for the moments I am able to speak my peace and have the EXPECTATION she will LISTEN to what I am saying with her heart and not her ears and she SETTLES for the moments we sit in the same room without fussing over something trivial. Now correct me if I am wrong but doesn’t that sound like it’s over by all accounts? And let’s not forget the fact that once you get into SETTLE mode your mind wanders and then you physically react at some point…(i.e. CHEATING)
And I had wrote something on that before but since I changed the look of the blog I am gonna have to rewrite it. So what am I saying? I am saying this study and the other various studies, documents, findings, and segments on TV about broken relationships and marriages are only valid as long as we keep avoiding the source of the problem. And this source is EXPECTATIONS. We have to learn how to COMMUNICATE what we may be EXPECTING, we have to learn to accept that we possibly may NOT get what we are EXPECTING, we have to be more REALISTIC about or EXPECTATIONS of self and others. And most of all we might want to consider a plan B for the EXPECTATION instead of putting all of our eggs in that one basket.
And with that being said it really is up to us to make our relationships the success we EXPECT them to be. You don’t need to read or listen to anything that glorifies or spend a lot of time on the problem but gives no solution. I hope this in some small way helps. Here is an article for the wives that really simplifies all we husbands really want (The Good Wife Charter).
Stop letting folks DUMB you down in your relationship!!!
